Ooooh, Tassimo.....

This is not an advertisement. I just really like my new coffee maker.

I recently purchased a Tassimo coffee maker, after spending about a year mocking it and the fools who would spend over one hundred dollars one. "It's all marketing", I proclaimed,"There is no way the lattes taste like real lattes. It's just a coffee maker, and the ads are stupid. Humbug!" I grunted.
Then my aunt received one for Christmas; a last ditch effort by my uncle to keep his retirement funds from being completely squandered on daily double doubles from Tim Horton's. From that first family dinner, I was hooked. Tassimo makes a great cup of coffee. Granted, the lattes are not as good as Starbucks or Second Cup. And they don't look nearly as pretty as the above picture. But overall, they are not bad. Drinkable, certainly. Even passably enjoyable. But the regular coffee is really, really good. And for someone like me, who tends to waste a lot of coffee by making a full pot, a single cup system is perfect. Starbucks even has T-disks for the Tassimo system, which I love. They cost twice as much as the other T-disks, but hey, it's Starbucks. It's strong, it's good, and it's trendier than Tim Horton's. Who by the way do not have T-disks for the Tassimo. Which disappoints my aunt, who continues to frequent Tim's. But is fine by me, because Tim's coffee sucks.

Tales From the Campfire

We went camping last weekend.

• It rained.

• T. forgot to put the rain fly on the tent.

• S. had a cold - a big fat thick yellow snorky-snot kind of cold.

• I had an emotional meltdown and spent the first evening alone in the van crying and peering out into the darkness for bears and/or horny hillbillies

• I forgot to pack pants. How exactly does one forget to pack pants?

• West Nile disease is almost a certainty given the quantity of mosquito bites scabbing over on my body. It will be interesting to see if the West Nile gets me before the Lyme disease - I'm pretty sure there is a tick embedded in me somewhere. I know these things.
  

Oh yeah, we are going again next week.

Some grey pictures from our soggy, foggy trip:

Hairs To Ya!

My hair sucks.
I have always wished for beautiful long hair, thick, wavy, silky smooth hair that does what I want it to.
Somehow my hair manages to defy nature on a daily basis, being both fine and fuzzy, wispy and bushy. One side always turns up, while the other side invariably turns down. Truly, my hair sucks.

I am into yet another attempt to grow out my hair. For the majority of my adult life I have worn my hair short, but every couple of years I get the urge. The urge to grow my hair long. Somehow I convince myself that this time things will be different. This time my hair will be thick and luxurious. It will be immune to humidity. It will be symmetrical. I am not a stupid person, and yet I actually believe this to be true. Somehow, at 36 years old, my hair will go from this:
to this...



Part of the problem is that I lack the skill and patience to deal with all the hair tools. Curling irons, straighteners, diffusers, mousse, gel, sculpting lotion, pomades...not for me. I sometimes put some mousse in my hair for extra body, or some kind of "smoothing" paste to tame the frizz, but no matter what I do, it lends up looking the same: thin, fine, bushy, wispy, lopsided, sucky hair. I feel like time is running out. As I approach 40, it seems like the time for long, bohemian hair is coming to an end, in preparation for the short and sensible cuts of the menopausal set..yup, 40 is only a few short years away - bring on the Crocs and Metamucil!
So I will try one more time.
Maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.

Revenge of the Ants

I hate bugs. All insects bother me, with their creepy-crawly multitude of legs and beady vengeful eyes...I hate them. If I wake up screaming from a nightmare, you can bet there was an insect in it. Dreams of murderers...meh. Dreams of appearing in front of my entire junior high math class naked...sucks but no biggie. Dream of a spider on my arm...screams loud enough to terrorize T. and wake the neighbours. Unfortunately, I seem to have passed on my insect loathing to my son. Now, unlike me, S. does not seem to fear bugs - instead, he has become a bug-basher. My big mistake was teaching him that ants are for squashing with our feet. He has taken that a step further. He now keeps a plastic toy hammer in the yard specifically for ant-bashing. He likes to squat next to the compost bin, armed and ready for the next ant-appearance. It is kind of cute, in a potential serial-killer kind of way.
A couple of weeks ago I was outside talking to our neighbour, while S. played with her 1 1/2 year old daughter. Our neighbour is a "green" type of woman, into earth mother-ish, vegetarian organic living. As we were talking, an injured baby bee was bumbling around the sidewalk. Just as I felt my foot moving forward to squash said baby bee, neighbour lady said to her child "look Sweety, a baby bee" and scooped it up on a leaf to show her baby. Well, I pulled my foot back in time to save face, but then S. came over to see the bee and any pretense of respect for bugs was lost. As the little neighbour girl was studying the leaf and injured baby bee with delightful coos of appreciation, my darling boy began grunting and making wildly aggressive hammering motions...yup, that's my boy.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Fourth severed foot found on B.C. coast


Fri. May 23 - 4:31 AM

VANCOUVER (CP) — Another severed foot has washed ashore on the British Columbia coast.

It’s the fourth found in less than a year, and police don’t know if there are any links between them.

Cst. Nycki Basra of the Richmond RCMP says a passerby contacted police at about noon on Thursday after spotting the shoe on Kirkland Island, south of Vancouver. Like the three other feet, it was firmly nestled in a shoe.

In Febuary, the remains of a right foot was found on the east side of Valdez Island.

Last August, a foot was found inside a man’s Reebok sneaker on a heavily used trail on Gabriola Island, just a few days after another foot was discovered by beachcombers on Jedidiah Island.

This story reminded me of what T. and I lovingly describe as the summer of death. Before S. was born, we did a lot of camping, hiking and exploring. This particular summer it seemed like all our travels were overshadowed by death, decay and general grossness. First there was the beautiful day at the beach. We were splashing around in the water when from the corner of my eye I noticed what appeared to be a golden retriever swimming up next to me. Upon closer examination, it was not a dog out for a refreshing swim. It was a deer. A dead deer, complete with broken neck, slowly meandering past my bare legs, tongue lolling, tendrils of seaweed gently dangling.
A few weeks later we were strolling along a wooded path when we spotted something lying in front of us. It was a foot. A severed foot. Now, unlike in the story above, this foot was definitely animal, not human. Not nearly so weird and unexpected as finding a human foot, complete with sneaker. But still, it was weird. It was very cleanly severed, almost...medical in it's precision. And lying next to this severed foot? A big, steaming pile of shit, still fresh. I turned and was beating it out of there when unseen to me T. threw a rock into the bushes next to me to make me think there was a bear following us. Because you know, it's funny to terrify your already frightened girlfriend. Yup. Funny. I let him know just how funny I found his little joke by bursting into tears and running even faster. Did I mention that I am not really much of an outdoors woman? Easily frightened by thing both real and imagined, seen and unseen, which lurk in the woods? Why do men find stuff like that humorous? Oh yeah, because they are stupid.
That same weekend we were walking through a national park which encompasses both coastal and woodland area, when on the path in front of us we found a very large, very dead, seal. It had been sliced through the belly, entrails hanging, just all around gross. But the weird part - we were away from the coast. Too far for the seal to have made it's way under it's own power. It was a pretty fresh kill - and we were not interested in meeting up with whatever had carried the seal to this lonely path. So we turned ourselves around and backtracked, chubby legs carrying us as fast as we could go.
So that was our summer of death. Nothing too traumatic, just a little odd how closely together the events occurred. I guess it's too be expected that in spending time in the wilderness you are going to encounter signs of life and death, but still, that summer stands out in our memory. In a kind of creepy way.

Springtime

I think the best thing about spring is the smell - that rainy, earthy, sweet yet heady scent that speaks of new life and new possibilities. In honour of spring, I thought I would post a few pictures from our garden (I use the term garden lightly, as it is really an abundance of weeds with a smattering of tulips...)

Funny Forward I Received...

They're Back!

Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services! Enjoy!


* * *

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* * *

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

* * *

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* * *

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

* * *

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due
to a conflict.

* * *

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

* * *

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

* * *

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* * *

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

* * *

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
the help they can get.

* * *

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy".

* * *

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* * *

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* * *

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* * *

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* * *

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

* * *

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.

* * *

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

* * *

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* * *

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* * *

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

* * *

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.

* * *

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.

* * *

The eighth- graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

* * *

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* * *

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

More Random Crap

Something weird happened to my laptop last week. I am not technically savvy so can't really explain what is wrong, but T. seems to know and is working on it. It remains to be seen whether it can be saved. I miss my computer. I turn it on in the morning, leave it in either the kitchen or living room, and anything I need through the day can be found with a quick finger flick: an appointment scheduled in my calendar; my bank balance; a recipe idea for supper; a Google search based on some random thought that pops into my head; ideas for entertaining a cranky toddler; symptoms of my latest hypochondriac obsession; a move or two on an ongoing Scrabulous game; and reverse phone number checking so I can know exactly which collection agency I am avoiding. Not to mention Entrecard dropping; blogging; Facebook snooping and my daily calorie/activity log (which has helped me lose 10 pounds so far - woot!).
Yes, I am a computer addict. I actually feel a sense of panic when I have no internet access. Things are not that bad right now. T. has brought his laptop from work home for the evening for me to use (hence my ability to write this post). But it is not the same. The keyboard is different. I miss my stuff, my calendar, my favourites list, my pictures. Say a little prayer for my laptop, that she may be returned to me soon, whole and healthy.

On the work front ...

Actual conversation between me and the shift supervisor last night:

Supervisor: You know who Jane* is? I laid a strip into her, man. I heard she was talkin bout me behind my back. I have no use for people who fuckin talk about me behind my back. If you're gonna fuckin talk bout me at least fucking say it to my face. Cause if I find someone talkin bout me behind my back I'm gonna knock their fuckin teeth out. I'm not some fuckin two year old.

Me: (nibbles on cookie and stares at clock willing my break to be over) Yeah.

*names changed to protect me.

On the home front...

I had a wonderful day with S.
After his playgroup we met T. for lunch, then I took him on a short bus ride to the park. We rolled in the grass, played chase, collected rocks and twigs, then went for an ice cream sundae.

Twas lovely.